I would grade this paper as a fail. I don't think the writer fully summarized the article. In the beginning the writer touches on some of the ideas but they seem to have missed the most important idea. The writer jumps between different ideas as well; first she is talking about modernizing then she jumps to media and obesity issues, then she concludes with modernizing. For there never being any mention about "modernization" in the article the writer seems to focused on that word, as though it is a key word.
There is no real personal or outside knowledge incorporated into the piece. The 2nd paragraph does bring some outside knowledge but I find it's relevance non-essential to the whole essay. The grammar/word choices seems to be lacking. They didn't capitalize company names and modernizing and mezmorizing(sic) in the first paragraph seem to repetitive. Missing some commas in key places. Organization problems are abound in this paper. The 1st paragraph seems to never want to end. Structure issues plague the paper as well.
Overall the writer seemed to have missed key points and missed the main idea from the article "Hype". There is a lot of work to be done to bring this paper to passing level. However, the writer did take a stance, though on two different ideas, and seemed to know where they wanted to go.
No comments:
Post a Comment